Just take a good, long minute to try and absorb what is going on in the above picture. This is not some post found from someone else on Twitter, this is from my own personal fucking Snapchat! THIS IS SOMETHING I HAD TO LIVE THROUGH!
Here’s the situation, entered the bathroom to handle some business before class and obviously took the open stall out of the two present. I get settled in quickly enough, every man has his routine pretty much down to a science, and proceed to relax. That’s when I heard it. Vigorous and labored breathing, coming from the stall on my right, the kind of breathing that you would expect to hear a woman giving birth to a full grown midget would have. I’m startled to say the least, at this point, and of course it doesn’t end there. A socked foot is now poking it’s head out at the front corner of the stall, the toes writhing in what seemed like agony underneath the filthy, stained hood that covered them. The foot quickly retreated back into the safety of it’s owner’s stall space…and then the laugh, the laugh that I can never hear the same. Spongebob Motherfucking Squarepants’ signature laughter, it is impossible to not recognize that horrid cackle. It was at that point I had to investigate, a quick peek would hopefully give me some peace of mind as to what was going on to my deuce neighbor. The picture you see above is exactly what I saw, and I bet your initial reaction was the same as mine.
I have so many questions, and the worst part is I know I’ll never get an answer. Was this guy even pooping? If no, then why the pregnancy breaths every 45 seconds? Where were his shoes? If there was a shirt being used to keep the phone from touching the floor, was this guy shirtless? Most importantly, was this guy jerking off to Spongebob in the men’s room of a college campus?